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So you’ve wondered if he would call. He called. You asked yourself whether there would be a second date or not. There was. Now you’re in a full-blown relationship and all your questions have been answered right? Wrong. Inevitably, one of the most common questions our experts are asked by their coupled-up clients is –‘will this relationship last’?
Well we can’t tell you for sure, but what we can do is share some of the sure-fire signs that your relationship leave you ‘question-free’ in the future.
Read on for our top 10 signs your relationship will go the distance.
1) You laugh together
Research shows laughter has a positive impact on our physical and mental wellbeing and can stimulate the release of the feel-good hormones, endorphins – so it’s not surprise laughing with your other half is on top of many experts’ relationship ‘to do’ list.
Jokes also help people connect. Sharing a good belly laugh is a great way to improve work and personal relationships. And from a mental-health perspective, studies suggest that laughter can relieve depression and reduce feelings of loneliness.
2) You ‘understand’ each other
According to body+soul S*xologist, Dr Gabrielle Morrissey, understanding each other does NOT mean that you 'get' each other without the need to speak … that you can basically read each other's minds and everything is rosy like in romance novels. No couple should be able to anticipate each other's every need without uttering a word. This will lead to disaster. People evolve and the couples who last do not read each other's minds.
Instead, they openly communicate with effective communicate techniques such as active listening, expressing their own needs, and checking in with their partner regularly.
3) You can be silent
According to Dr Gab, becoming a couple isn't merging into 'one'. “In a healthy relationship you remain two unique individuals who together, through your separate individuality, form the solid foundation of a relationship that can grow and change over time – you as individuals will be changing too”.
Silence doesn't mean you are growing apart. Allowing each other to be independent and not always talking and sharing everything is part of the balance of healthy communication and relating. You don't feel like you have to fill the space between you with chatter or other interaction. Instead, you feel an easy comfort.
4) You have shared goals
Research on successful marriage has shown that couples who have shared goals together stay together longer.
While you don’t have to be exactly the same, it’s important that your values and morals are aligned, as these will shape the direction of your life together.
If you do have crucial differences that will impact your future together - be they religious views or attitudes towards money, you may not reach a way of living that will satisfy you both.
Have a conversation with your partner, both write down 5 key things you want out of life and talk about why each is important to you.
5) You resolve conflict quickly
Conflict can be anything from armed warfare to playground spats, from deadly to trivial. In relationships, conflict is often about unacceptable behaviour. But while conflict can be beneficial as a healthy exchange of option, it’s when you cannot resolve it easily that it becomes a problem in your relationship.
B+S psychologist Toby Green has these tips for fighting fair:
1. Suspend judgment. Never start conflict with "What kind of person...?"
2. Do it sober. Avoid conflict when alcohol has been consumed.
3. Be specific. Get your request down to 10 words or less. The fewer words, the better the chance of the other person taking the request on board. For instance, "I feel devalued when you criticise me. Please don't."
4. Don't justify. Don't say, "Criticising me makes me look stupid in the eyes of other people." The other person can deflect: "There you go again, always worrying about what other people think." Every word beyond the expressed need can and will be used as a boomerang.
5. Have a change of subject ready. This indicates the topic is closed, everyone is okay and now it's time to get on with life. State your need. Short pause. Then, "So, which movie do you want to watch tonight?"
6) You’re willing to work for it
One of the clearest signs that your relationship is going to last is the mutual understanding that times might not always be easy, but that you are both willing to work at it every day.
“In relationships you will never know what obstacles might arise in the future or how long it will last. The key is wanting it to last” says Dr Nikki Goldstein, S*xologist, dating and relationship expert. “It's not always easy and you need to work at it. But it's also important that both people in the relationship are willing to put in the same amount of effort.”
7) You can be open with each other
Often, the most revealing signs of weakness in a relationship reveal themselves in bad times. It’s easy to work together as a pair when you’re distracted by good times and the mood’s elevated by happiness.
Those in strong relationships allow the other to see themselves in times of vulnerability and weakness – confiding in them for comfort as well as advice. It’s a sign of mutual trust that you’re in this together.
8) You genuinely care for them
Ironically, one of the most overlooked sign of a relationship that’s built to last is whether you actually love and care for that person. Do you respect them? Would you care for them in sickness and in health? If the answer’s yes, it’s a whopping great sign that you’d care for them through good times and bad.
But make sure this love is set apart from friends and family. "You want to see a partner demonstrating that they care for you in a way that is unique and different from the other people in their lives," Dr Gian Gonzaga from eHarmony says.
9) You are attracted to them.
Feelings of physical attraction are enormously important, but beware if the only thing you're swooning over is his build and baby blues. Research shows physical attractiveness can change as you grow more psychologically attracted to a partner, but it doesn't work in reverse. The mind wins over matter when it comes to long-term potential.
"Physical appearance is important - you cannot find your mate repugnant and expect that to change," Dr Gian Gonzaga says. "But you would rather be attracted psychologically because physical attraction is pliable. People can become more physically attracted to each other the more connected they become."
10. You enjoy the 'now'
It’s all very well setting your relationship up for the future, but are you enjoying the present? Did you have fond memories of the past month, year, decade together?
Don’t forget to enjoy the good times. "We spend so much time in relationships worrying about the negatives and the possible outcomes, but we need to get to a point where we look at what we do have and focus on what is going well" Dr Nikki adds.
"Sometimes you are never going to know if and how long a relationship will last for. There are things that can happen that no one can predict. The key is to enjoy the now and appreciate what is right in front of you. Instead of worrying about something that might not happen, why not enjoy something that is happening."
Source: BodyandSoul
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