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Let me start by stating the obvious, a typical Nigerian man is very egotistic. You can’t expect to be his woman and yet rub shoulders with him. That will never work. His definition of a relationship is ‘I lead, you follow.’ And if you tune your ears well, you will hear ‘I own you’.
Most women are advocates of female independence whether they are with a man or not. And let me define what I mean because in this part of the world, once the word ‘independence’ and ‘women’ come in the same sentence, people’s antennae go up. An independent woman simply means a woman who takes care of herself and is contented financially, emotionally or otherwise whether a man is in her life or not. It does not mean that she doesn’t need a man; it means she has an identity and does not need to be defined by anyone.
Having said that, let us outline how to love and permanently keep a typical Nigerian man.
Treat him like a king. Respect him. Don’t talk him down. Show him a deep admiration for his abilities, qualities and achievements. You don’t have to go on your knees before him to show that you respect him and treating him like a king doesn’t make you less.
Be faithful. The worst thing you can do to a Nigerian man is cheat on him. Don’t even try it. He is the one and only in your life. Even if he cheats on you, do not retaliate; you will have no one as your support when trouble hits the fan. Simply walk out of the relationship if he strays, but while you are with him, you have to be 100 percent faithful.
Take care of him. A Nigerian man loves to be cared for by his woman and this entails preparing his favourite meals, cleaning up his house/room, handling his laundry (if you want to stretch it far) and ensuring that he is generally in a good condition. He wants to know you care. His mother has done a fine job of that for him. He wants you to continue where she left off.
Make love to him like a pro. I must say that to keep a Nigerian man you must be superlative in the field of ‘congo shinesse’. Nigerian men talk about wanting a good girl in bed or something like that, but in the end they complain when you are not responsive. They do not like inexperienced girls.
So, here is my honest advice to you: be a freak in bed. If you are good in doing the thing, don’t hide it. Blow his mind the whole nine yards. He might be worried about how you got so skilled, but he will get over it when he discovers you are faithful.
Respect his family. In addition to being able to cook up a storm and hurricane, a woman intending to capture and keep her Nigerian man must be schooled in the art of culture. That is the best way I can put it, even the most forward looking man is a traditionalist at heart. You must learn the wisdom, diplomacy and canny ways of your mother and know how to optimise the abilities of your man. You must be able to praise him without making his head too big, cut him to size without hurting his ego and more so schooled in the art of manipulating his intentions without rubbing it in his face.
Patience is the key word here, you might not always have your say, but more often than not you will have your way. Respecting his family is no joke, especially his mother, you have to ‘kiss her ass’ big time. Once a Nigerian man introduces you to his family, it means he is ready to take it far and if you meet them and start acting all pig-headed, he will dump you. Many men have left women because their families said no. So, score high on this one and it shall go well with you.
Most importantly, when you marry a Nigerian man you have effectively married all members of his family as well. Your actions while they are present should not necessarily correlate with what you will do or say in their absence. This is very important. The easiest way to be left in the cold world of divorce is to openly revolt against your man’s family, the key word is ‘openly’.
Give him his personal space. This is not peculiar to just Nigerian men. All men love their personal space. Allow him time with his guys, his family and his hobbies. Don’t cramp his space. Hanging around your man all the time is suffocating.
Know how to cook. There is no escaping this one. The saying that “the way to the heart of a man is his stomach” is very true. At this juncture I must say that if you do not know how to cook and you don’t want to learn, you might as well forget hooking up and keeping a Nigerian man. It is probably one of the tests you will undergo with him and his family. You must learn how to cook the meals he loves, the ones his mother always made for him. If you don’t learn this, he will stay out to eat another woman’s meals.
Ditch your male BFF. I am sorry but that male best friend has to become just one of the guys. He and your man cannot share the same space. Nigerian men do not understand the concept of a woman having a close male friend when she already has a man. No matter how platonic your relationship with your friend is, your man will see him as competition.
Be feminine. Furthermore, as you can draw from the foregoing you cannot be a troublemaker and ‘man wannabe’ and still keep a Nigerian man. You must accept your ‘feminity’, accept it as a gift not a burden and stop interfering in his soccer game or standing in the way of his ‘men’ nights out. A famous poet once wrote: “the easiest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly, and the easiest way to keep love is to give it wings”. This cannot be truer for a Nigerian man. Indeed, you will need more than abundant measure of the spirit of forgiveness. With a Nigerian man, you will be offended, wronged and still be expected to forgive. It is part of the trade agreement, no pain without gain.
Whether you are a tomboy or just full of womanliness, maintain your femininity. A woman who acts like a man and rubs shoulders with her partner is not appreciated in Nigeria. Even if you are a boss at work, drop your ranks when you are in his arms. Maintain the things that make you female like nice hair, nails, a clean appearance, clear skin, an alluring scent, light makeup, a gentle nature and a happy face.
Be wise and smart. Foolish women don’t make the cut in Nigeria. You will get cheated on, abused and find yourself at the bottom of very man’s list. As much as a Nigerian man doesn’t want you to be smarter than him, he is also not interested in an airhead. He wants you to keep him on his toes with your intelligence. Many ladies believe an outward appearance gets them the man, but the truth is intelligence and wisdom are more important when he starts thinking of a long term relationship..
Be hardworking. No food for a lazy man is a popular saying around here. There is nothing as unappealing as a woman who is slothful and expects the man to spend his money on her. Nigerian men work hard for their money and they want women who have the skills to maintain what they have worked for and not squander it. Find something to do if you don’t have a 9-5 job. No one is born without a talent. If you are hardworking no man will treat you less than you deserve.
Nigerian men are the best in the world, forget what you have been told. Yes, there are bad ones, but then there are bad men everywhere else in the world.
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